Last year at this time I was celebrating my birthday in San Diego and it was marvelous. I also had a horrible bout of diarrhea but being in a sunny place seemed to trump the reality of running to the toilet every 2 hours for 24 hours straight. Moral of that story is never drink 30 oz of prune juice to relieve constipation. It really only takes about 8 oz.....but diarrhea isn't the topic of today. Today I turn 29 but not until 11:13 tonight so technically I am still 28. I didn't make it to a sunny destination or snow capped peak in the mountains but I was able to experience something equally wonderful and fulfilling. When the joys of eating are stripped from you life you start remembering all the other joys life brings. This last year has reminded me how important my friends and family are in my life. The last 3 days have been marked with acts of kindness, time, money, cards, emails, texts, facebook posts, and gifts.
It's no lie this year has been tough physically and emotionally for me and you really learn who is there for you and who really makes the effort to support you even when they can't understand your unique situation. For feeling so alone and isolated many times this last year because of my sickness, these last three days I felt full of love. All the love from others around me filled up the dark holes within and it was nice to remind myself that although much has been taken away in my life, I have so many wonderful people around me that are there to fill the dark spaces.
So thank you....thank you mom and dad. Dad your always good with thoughtful gifts and what better way to jet in your dream boat together. Mom, thank you for hosting my party and trying to make the weekend special and normal as possible. Thank you Emily for driving down to Portland and spending a weekend with me. Thank you Mohamed for putting up with all my frustrations and for coming to my doctor appointments and hugging me when I'm crying about my situation, thank you for making my birthday special. Thank you Felise, Melissa, and Emily for coming to my small get together and humoring me by dressing up. I really needed to laugh and really needed a good laugh! Thank you Emily Brumfield, Katina, Ali, Roxann, Kelly Racca, Brandy, Jimmy, Natalie for birthday texts. Ali, thank you for the movie and for supporting me no matter how crazy my diagnosis are. Thank you everyone for the facebook posts.
So as I get ready to turn 29 tonight......I feel full, thank goodness the fullness is not related to needing 30 oz of prune juice......but full of love. That love comes from my friends and family who mean so much to me and I don't think they even know how much I appreciate the last 3 days. Thank you for reminding me that I am loved and that your love means more to me than any food or activity I'm unable to engage in. Thank you for being a special person in my life!
This blog will take many paths and there will be days when I can share inspirational stories and dark moments that will be uncomfortable to write about. There will be spelling errors, there will be humor, and places of personal vulnerability at sharing my story with others. My goal is to keep writing from my heart and hopefully I will take something useful from this experience and hope you can find something relevant for yourself. This is the journey of facing fears, embracing transition and change, while becoming self aware of the behaviors, thoughts, and actions that are not serving us well. Something can be learned from our experiences whether they are good or bad. We cannot always control the many things that cause us worry, pain, and fear but we can channel that negative energy into something that is useful and helpful. Self awareness opens the door to enlightenment and self discovery. Change is inevitable; we can either stand on shore and watch, or jump into the boat of uncertainly and truly experience life.
When you are looking in the mirror, you are looking at the problem. But, remember, you are also looking at the solution. - Anonymous
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